Miss Mostyn tackles fish and chips in Llandudno, including gulls, timing and the dangers of lukewarm optimism.

Fish and chips are part of the seaside contract, but that does not mean one should surrender all standards. A poor portion by the sea is still a poor portion, merely with gulls watching.

Llandudno has a number of fish and chip shops across the town, from central takeaways near the promenade to sit-down restaurants where the transaction is formalised with cutlery. The quality varies, as it does in all towns, and the variation is not always predicted by the queue.

The best version is fresh, hot and eaten with a view. The worst is lukewarm, limp and purchased in a hurry from somewhere relying on your weakened state after walking the pier.

Timing matters. A busy fryer at lunch or early evening is often better than a quiet counter where the chips appear to be reflecting on past opportunities.

Ask yourself whether the fish looks cooked to order, whether the chips seem alive to their purpose, and whether the whole place smells of promise rather than old oil and regret.

Haddock, cod and sometimes locally caught fish are on offer, depending on the season and the supplier’s arrangement with whatever the Irish Sea is contributing that week. The honest fryer will tell you what is fresh. The dishonest one has laminated the menu so thoroughly that the question cannot easily be asked.

Eating outside is traditional and foolish in equal measure. The gulls are not charming little coastal decorations. They are airborne solicitors with no respect for property law.

The Llandudno herring gulls have been managing the pier end of the promenade for generations and are considerably more experienced at extracting chips from the unwary than the unwary are at defending them. Keep the food covered, establish eye contact with no bird and treat your meal as a private matter.

Sit-down fish and chip restaurants allow one to eat with more dignity and fewer witnesses. The best of them take the sourcing of fish seriously, which is a reasonable expectation in a coastal town and yet not as universal as it should be.

Still, when fish and chips are good and the bay is behaving, one forgives a great deal. The combination of hot batter, sea air and a promenade view is one of the pleasures of North Wales that requires neither architectural knowledge nor cultural preparation.